Tuesday, 22 June 2010

A Bird in the Hand...........

What a day this is! I've eventually managed to catch one. "What? An unpleasant dose of fleas!" Who said that? How rude! How very rude! No not fleas, after years of trying I caught a bird this morning. How about that then, I actually caught a bird? I knew you would be impressed. It was huge, with vicious sharp talons and a massive hooked beak. It put up fierce resistance, but in the end it was no match for a cat with my highly honed hunting skills. I reckon it was an eagle! "An eagle! It was a geriatric sparrow, you should be ashamed of yourself. I would have thrown it back." What, who said that? It's my poncy brother - he is always sticking his nose where it's not wanted. I wish he would clear off.Now' let me tell you how this stirring event occurred. I was prowling amongst undergrowth at the bottom of the garden, when the mighty bird alighted on the grass. Without making a sound, I crept round behind the shed and took up position in amongst the cauliflower plants. Using all my feline grace and cunning, I edged closer. The bird saw me, and for what seemed like an eternity we looked at each other - it was transfixed by my unrelenting stare. I pounced, and a ferocious battle ensued - there could only be one winner. No, not the damn bird, me of course! You lot have no faith in me at all! Anyway, we digress, the end came mercifully quickly for the bird, and I stood triumphant over the great carcass! How about that then!"Ha ha ha ha ha....... ha ha ha ha........ha ha ha...... I've never heard such a cock and bull story." Oh no, it's that Tabby again, I thought he had gone. "I watched the whole sorry episode through the back door - it was pitiful" said Tabby, "you were asleep on the wall, when this poor little sparrow fell off a twig and landed next to you. I've never seen a cat jump so high. You were hiding behind that bush for ages before you came out. I reckon the thing died of old age." What an outrageous slander! Don't go away, I am just going to chase that poncy brother of mine off ................................ He was a bit too quick for me, but I don't think he will bother us any more today. The things I have to put up with. I'm exhausted, it's asking too much for me too catch him and a bird in the same day.

I need a well earned rest. Think I'll go and stretch out in front of the telly with the one I don't trust and watch the World Cup. Did you see that our cat team, The Indomitable Lions, otherwise known as Cameroon got knocked out. Fix, I hear you all cry. A despicable conspiracy perpetrated by dogs I reckon. I'm still considering who will now benefit from my support. Here's a funny thing though, after two abject performances, the one I don't trust still thinks England will win. Well, I haven't laughed so much since Ginger Tail got her head stuck in the banisters. The pretty one thought it was funny too, and said he must have been drinking.Well, that's my lot for today. Talking of drinking, a word of warning, it can be very bad for you. My Great Uncle Porky told me a story about his distant cousin, Fast Eddie, who is to this day, still the only known cat to have died of drink. He was run over by a brewery truck! Just one of Uncle Porky's little jokes. He use to tell me lots of things when I was a kitten, some of which were true! What a Life! AlbertThe(hunting)Cat.


  1. Ah, somewhere between "eagle" and "little sparrow falling off a twig to land in front of you" lies the truth. :-)

    Well, we say concatulations, Albert, for being so skilled as to get a bird! And even better if you killed it right away, because our human says it's cruel to torment the prey to death.

    You didn't say if you ate it, though! Excellent raw meal for you!

  2. We think that getting a bird, be it an eagle or a geriatric sparrow, it quite an accomplishment! We know that is a skill we don't have - what with being indoor cats and everything!

  3. You are great Bert - a great story teller. You almost had me believing you until your pouncy brother put in his 2 cents worth. Maybe you was dreaming!!(Not that I doubt for a minute that you aren't capable of such a feat!) he he

  4. Bert,
    I sometime caught birds and mice in my backyard and always brought them back to my patio for the humans, but they always freaked out when they saw my gifts, crazy humans :-)
    Jake the red tabby

  5. Bert, you are a mighty hunter and we are impressed with your bird catching skills...We always love your fun stories and the lovely photos...Happy week sweet friends...kisses x3...Calle, Halle, Sukki

  6. Well, that was quite the tale. Glad you had fun even if it was a fantasy. Just came upon your blog and I am your newest follower. I am a cat-sitter in Canada so I have a few sillies to tell, too. Hugs, Deb =^..^=x5