Friday, 14 May 2010

Staff Problems...

I'm not very happy today - problems with the housekeeping staff you see. They've been getting a bit too familiar lately, taking liberties if you know what I mean. Only yesterday the pretty one referred to me as "Bertie Boy." Yes, "Bertie Boy." Outrageous I hear you say. I don't mind my friends calling me Bert, but "Bertie Boy!!!!" I think the staff should stick to Albert. When you are in a position of authority like my good self you must maintain standards. It's the thin end of the wedge. Before you know it, one thing leads to another and heaven forbid, she'll be picking me up. "I'd like to see her try, you must weigh half a ton" Who said that? It's my poncy brother, how rude, I wish he'd clear off.

Anyway, you get my point. I indulge her occasionally and let her stroke me, especially if there is a prawn in it, but I do draw the line at being picked up! The one I don't trust tries it occasionally. Last time it happened, I was crated up and taken to see the bloke who sticks needles in us once a year. I managed to inflict quite a bit of damage to his arm. He made a dreadful fuss, but it was only a flesh wound.I am getting a bit worried about their attitude. Take this morning for example. For some reason they had to be up early - miserable as sin they were, arguing with each other, banging about - it really disturbed my beauty sleep. "You need plenty of that!" It's that damn brother of mine again, I thought he'd gone. They should think themselves lucky that I give them a few hours off to get some sleep. They were in such a rush to get out, that they neglected to give me my prawns for breakfast. I heard her tell him to make sure we were OK. "They're fine" he said, "they won't starve." Then they rushed out the door leaving only a dish full of biscuits and water. You'd expect better service in a doss house wouldn't you.

I need to teach them a lesson, let them know who's boss. "Perhaps you should disappear for a few hours, or days even, that would be better" said Tabby. "They'll be really worried." Not a bad idea I thought so off I went. After a couple of hours, I got a bit peckish, and I thought they would have seen the error of their ways, so I decided to go back. When I arrived, the staff were already there. I crept in through the flap and Tabby was waiting. "Have they missed me, are they worried?" I asked. "Oh yes" said Tabby, "they are mortified, so much so that they had to have a sit down and watch telly." I took a peep and I must say they appear to have recovered very well from the shock! "They put a big heap of prawns down when they got back. We thought you were staying away for ages. It seemed a shame for yours to go to waste, so me and Ginger Tail scoffed the lot - they were lovely" said Tabby who appeared to be semi-convulsed with laughter - I hate him, I really do.

Well, that's my lot for today. I can't believe the bad luck I have. I thought black cats were supposed to be lucky, and I'm sort of half black. That brother of mine is no help. He's the type of cat, that just when you think you've hit rock bottom, he throws you a shovel. One day I'll sort him out. I'm going to go and sit next to the one I don't trust and lull him into a false sense of security. I'll show him. Think I'll go outside and sharpen up the old claws on his cherry tree first. What a life! AlbertThe(disgruntled)Cat.

11 comments:

  1. Well, it sounds like you are totally justified at being frustrated with your staff! We hope they realize just have it very good with you and straighten up!

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  2. You do realize, right, that in spite of all your bluster, Albert, you look like the cuddliest, smoochiest Cat ever. :-D

    It must be all that wonderful long fur and sweet face--an excellent disguise!

    You can come and visit us in Canada, Albert, and our human will give you prawns every day--but you'd have to put up with a lot of silly squealing and oohing and ahhhing over you on her part.

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  3. Bertie Boy? Oh, yeah, that's sweet!
    Do you know what, Bertie Boy? You shouldn't listen to Tabby ever again. He's always tricking you to take your prawns! And, for the staff, mmm, put a hairball on their slippers just to show them who's the boss.

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  4. It is so hard to find good help these days! Why, I've never even had a prawn, much less a shrimp. You need to package Tabby up and send him to the moon or some place.

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  5. Cathy is right - good help is really hard to find. I've been advertising to replace my staff, but no one applies! On a whole, you have them trained pretty well - better just work on giving dem more training before you fire!

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  6. We hope your staff starts treating you better Bert...you can always come stay with us, you know we'd love to have you...kisses...Calle, Halle, Sukki

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  7. Beans tend to think of black cats as unlucky, but some of us are very lucky indeed. Think of all the kitties out there without beans that love them. Those of us that do have truly hit the lottery. Just be a little more persistent and I bet the beans will get the point!

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  8. Poor Bert, Tabby is always trying to trick you.
    Jake the red tabby

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  9. Bert, where are you? you are late with your posting ;-)

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  10. Where did you go Albert? Sad you just disappeared...

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